The Art of Trolling

Trolling.

It’s everywhere.

Especially when dealing with the internet.

I play a game with several friends called League of Legends, which is essentially a DoTA clone (a Warcraft III mod). LoL (League of Legends) has one of the worst online communities of any video game. It is not new player friendly, and it is not a forgiving game whatsoever. With this being said, one of the key aspects to LoL is trolling. The goal of the trolling is to cause the opposite team to argue amongst themselves which in theory results them in playing worse. So, let me give you a quick example of some classic LoL trolling.

l337kid11: Yo guys

Prodigyd00d: stfu scrub

l337kid11: Wtf bro? Come at me.

Prodigydood: lol, u mad bro? sound mad.

l337kid11: I’m not mad.

Prodigydood: Sound mad.

l337kid11: I’M NOT MAD.

Prodigyd00d: Cool story bro

l337kid11 has been officially trolled. He is mad, and he will play with determination to kill Prodigyd00d, which will wind up getting him killed.

I'm just going to face check this bush...

Trolling has taken a major role in gaming. It still exists in PC games, but it’s more commonly found on X-Box Live more than anything.

Trolling has been around for many years, and not only in digital media. What is trash talk during sports? Trolling.

What is tricking a friend? Trolling.

What is evading arrest? Trollling.

Trolling can be hard to spot sometimes.

You know, by like reading this specific post on trolling, I could be trolling you.

Or you could be trolling me by reading this blog just to post hateful comments.

You can never be sure.

But there is one video that exists, that no matter what the situation might be;

You are being trolled.

I mean, just look at that dance.

NEVA GANNA GIVE NEVA GANNA GIVE.

Oh, and this.

Who would you rather?

I’d planned to spend this whole discussion outlining the tough choice one faces when asked, “Who would you rather?” A question of this nature forces us to examine our inner desires, dreams, preferences, prejudices, etc. Or it can just be stupid. Like where this is going tonight.

Around eight o’ clock this evening, I became obsessed with listening to the song, “Halloween.” Why? Because it’s almost fall. Almost not-hot. And almost Halloween.

And what, like clockwork, also arrives each Halloween season at the local cineplex ( motion picture shows for you old-timers)? Horror movies.

So, I asked myself, ” Who would you rather (get stalked by)? A corporeal or incorporeal evil thing?”

Category A: Corporeal Killers (the ones with bodies and weapons)

Pros:

  1. Existence easily verified – unless you’re blind, you’ll be able to see ’em.
  2. Corporeal body – to stab, beat with baseball bat, push, scream in ears of, scratch, and so forth with various defense techniques. This corporeal body also means they must stick to the physical plane, i.e. no walking through walls or flying through the wind to catch you. Unless it’s the night flier.
  3. night flier

  4. Low SPH (stalk-per-hour) speed – due to the heftiness of most corporeal killer’s bodies (you’d think killing would burn more calories), any moron with two feet should be able to outrun the chunky killer. If not, maybe you deserve to die.

Cons:

  1. Determination – think they’ll get tired? Nope. They’ve got one track minds. And like the track around the lake on the Friday the 13th video game, it always leads right to you. Or them. Either way there’s a sharp object with your name written all over it – probably in blood.
  2. Circle of death

    Poor George doesn’t stand a chance.

  3. Corporal body –  what makes them easy to see/touch also means they can do likewise with you. Barf! And killers usually have fat, sausage-like fingers. So double barf!
  4. History – poor, poor wittle killer, he had such a bad childhood, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so dude’s got issues. And he’s going to take it out on somebody. And that somebody will probably be you.

Category B: Incorporeal Beings (the ones made of pure eeeeevil straight from the depths of hell and other bad places, i.e. demons)

Pros:

  1. Words are Weapons –  as cliché as it sounds, it’s pretty much the only way to vanquish them. This is a pretty cheap method of self-defense. Call up a priest and watch as he sends them back into the fiery depths of hell with a few choice phrases. Bonus points if you understand the Latin.
  2. Incorporeal – yes! this means you can pull up the covers and shut your eyes real tight and they’ll go away. Bottom line is you can’t see them. So, if your imagination is strong enough to counteract all those scratches you hear going down your wall at 3 a.m., why not imagine a cuddly kitten instead? Those aren’t scary. At all. Aww….
  3. kitties

    No demons here. No sir. Just little tiny kitty claws.

  4. Sexist – They don’t seem to like the males so much. So that’s good for all you dudes. For us chicks, not so much. If you’re a female, you’re screwed. And if it’s an incubus type demon, that’ll be literally.

Cons:

  1. Incorporeal – they can float, flitter, slither, get inside you on occasion. All in all they do all sorts of creepy things. Plus, and here’s a big con for all you manly men – you can’t hit ‘em. No matter how big your muscles, how many MMA moves you’ve learned watching pay-per-view events, you can’t touch ‘em. So, in essence, the demon turns you into a wimp without even trying.
  2. Possession – this is a huge con. No explanation needed.
  3. ragan

  4. Sometimes, they come back – now, this is also true of corporeal killers too, but at least you’ll know when they’re back. The demon could just be sitting in that chair you never feel like sitting in for months, years, watching you all invisible-like.

*Disclaimer – Dream state killers that exist corporeally in an incorporeal environment were excluded from this discussion. It got too confusing.

Sweet Dreams.