Grieving

Death comes.

Whether we like it or not. We all know, but we just don’t talk about it too much. We focus on living, just as we should.

A thought in particular is that in our society, that when someone passes away, we mourn and weep the person we have lost. It takes time to heal the wound, and in some cases time doesn’t even help completely.

But in other cultures, people celebrate their dead. Not celebrating that the person is gone and away from this world, but celebrating the thought of the person escaping this world filled with hate and pain. Being free.

Polar opposites.

Yesterday, I lost my Grandmother. I took it pretty hard. The memories of her fill my head throughout the day as I think of the great times we had. I’m in mourning.

But my Brother brought up something yesterday at the hospital that has stuck with me, and in many lights given me relief.

“It’s not goodbye. It’s see you in the morning.”

Being born to a Christian family, we do believe in an afterlife. And in that gives us hope to not only be in paradise with our Lord and Savior, but to see family members we have lost over time due to death.

When I was young, my Grandmother and I had a little saying. She would ask “Matt, do you want a Yoohoo?” and I would reply “Not today!”

“Not Today!”

That stuck with us, and even before she passed she would bring that up every time I would visit. I won’t have a chance to say that anymore to her.

That day will never come now, well, maybe in the morning it will.

It’s hard to deal with grief. I’ve really tried to incorporate the grieving process of Asian cultures during this time. She’s gone, and away from this life. She’s in a better place. Celebrate!

Harder said than done.

My Granny’s gone. But only for the night.

I will see her in the morning.

In memory of Lois Young

 

Losing Power Sucks

Last night I had one of those nights where everything possible that could go wrong in thirty minutes did.

We had some bad thunderstorms last night, so to lose power in my neck of the woods was to be expected. Well, it didn’t happen when the storms came. It didn’t happen when the storm passed. I was excited.

So I finished printing off some things for a open note/book exam for a class the next day, finished my studying for another exam, and I began playing some games.

I started playing League of Legends with a few friends of mine. The storm had been gone for roughly an hour and a half. The NCAA Basketball tournament was over (the storm was at it’s worst during the tournament). Things were looking good.

I hopped into the skype call and we began playing. The game was going well, and all of the sudden…

Flicker… Flicker…

The power goes out.

Downstairs, where my computer is, has no windows or anything. Just odd office style ceiling lights.

So I’m sitting in complete darkness. I get up, manage to make myself to the door to go upstairs and…

Biiiiiiiiiing.

The power comes back on.

I text my friend, tell him what happened and get back into the game as soon as my computer booted back up.

We surrender that game because of that and decide to try one more game of League of Legends.

The power was on for fifteen minutes, so I assumed that nothing was going to happen.

The game begins and everything’s going well again. Awesome!

Flicker. Flicker. Flicker.

Power goes out.

I text my friend, hoping he wouldn’t be overly mad, telling him what happened and that I was done for the night.

I make my way upstairs in the darkness and go into my room.

I can hear the wind gusting outside. A tree must have fell on some power lines.

Okay. It happens.

I start thinking to myself of things to do since I’m not really ready for bed.

Can’t read my Kindle since there is no light. I didn’t feel like lighting a candle and bringing it into my room either. So I gave up on that.

Oh, I know! I’ll get my DS out and play some of Pokemon Black. Great plan.

I pull my DS out of it’s case, and notice that it’s got a red light near the power button. Great.

I start playing, and about three minutes after I began, the DS died.

So no DS fun time.

What do I do now?

Well, be an awesome boyfriend and call your girlfriend of course!

We talk for a bit, and she needs her beauty sleep.

Great.

The fates are dooming me to just go to bed.

I tell her goodnight, and look at the Twitter feed on my phone and see a few tweets from a couple of my favorite comic book writers: Matt Fraction and Jonathan Hickman. The tweets are tagged with #Gameofbones.

AKA porn tweets related to Game of Thrones.

Hilarious stuff.

Bad night.

 

Also, in the light of the

The Electro-Social Bind

post.

I found an article on Kotaku.com that also sheds some light on a similar issue.

http://kotaku.com/#!5789033/why-dont-i-lose-myself-in-games-anymore

Check it out. It’s a fantastic read. Great article.

Electricity is involved in almost everything we do, it’s scary.

EMP!

Yahoo Answers says:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090628234703AAFvoWC

My Fail Life: #1

Whenever I think back to this event, I always giggle to myself, and hopefully you’ll get a kick out of this story also.

Enjoy.

About two weeks ago, I was sitting in my Race and Criminal Justice class on campus. There was a blonde girl that sat behind me and we had never spoke a word to one another. UTC had been in session for about two months or so at this time.

I was sitting at my desk and pulled out my laptop in order to take some notes. I sat there for a second getting everything together until I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, and it was the blonde girl, of course. She asked me “Hey, when is the exam for this class?”

This is where everything fell apart.

I herped, and I derped.

At first I was like...

I looked her, opened my mouth to respond, and slobbered everywhere.

Yes.

I slobbered.

All over the place.

The first thing to come out of my mouth was “oh no.”

“Wednesday’s our first exam.”

And then I turned around to my laptop.

Then, I failed.

The next day we had class, the blonde girl was sitting in the opposite end or the class room.

Fail.

Security in the Grind

No one likes going to school. No one likes going to work. No one likes doing anything; but they do. “Getting back into the grind” is a good thing. Just recently I got done with Winter Break and now I’m back in college. No more odd work schedules. No more getting called in every single day. Just classes everyday, and a decent amount of hours at work. Although classes will get harder as the semester goes along, I can’t help but love the fact that I’m caught up in this grind again. I can get my daily routines going once again which always bear positive results. The grind is something I can find security in. No surprises, just the same thing every week. You have the things you look forward to each week like certain television shows that are only on this time of the year, or even making your weekly trip to the comic book store on Wednesdays. You get in that routine again along with everyone else. It’s an odd sync that the world sets itself into once the Holidays are over. And with it being January, my mind always drifts a couple of months away; Spring. This semester (Spring semester) is the worse semester of college. Right now it’s miserably cold. But in a few months it’ll begin to warm up and the trees will start to bloom in their “grind”. Then, every student’s attention drifts away from schooling and homework, to “man, I really want to be outside.” Nature has it’s grind as well. Everything looks flourishing and alive once Spring is in full throttle. Mother Earth is happy to have the security of the grind again since Old Man Winter and his unpredictable habits are out the door for months down the road.

 

When I was younger, I loved the winter. Now, the older I get the more and more I dislike it. I’m ready for the warmer weather to get here. Here’s to another semester of the grind. I hope it’s a good one.

Nostalgia

One of the things that I have been contemplating recently is how humans change as we age. Of course you can break it down to a cellular level, but I’m not talking about a complexity such as that. For example, when I was young, Halloween was my favorite holiday. I could not WAIT for Halloween. I would sit in the living room and watch Fox Family (which is ABC family now) and watch the month long Halloween specials they would do. I would do the same thing with the Disney channel, and to an extent Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. But the excitement I felt for this holiday at a young age is almost indescribable. I constantly had a ball of excitement in my stomach for the entire month. School was a blast during this time as well because of the “scary” stories and candy we would receive. But, now being a twenty-one year old, that excitement has worn off. Yes, I still enjoy Halloween, but that feeling that I had then has left me, and I have never quite felt that same emotion again. I mean, yes, you can say I don’t feel the same now because I don’t do the things I would have done then (i.e. trick or treating), so in short you could say one of the biggest answers to this question would be due to what is acceptable in society. But that goes for all things. I could keep listing holidays, but I think we should touch on another topic that deals with this same idea. For me, it started back in seventh grade when I got my first “real” girlfriend. I had this feeling that just like Halloween, is indescribable. I was excited. So excited. I carried this excitement with me 24/7. Being at that age with all of the thoughts rushing through your head as to what a relationship is supposed to be. Back then, a “date” at that age was going to the movies. So, you know; being the cool guy I am, I was “dating” a girl who was in the eighth grade. I was the man. Not only did I have a “girlfriend” but she was older than me. SCORE. Back then we only wanted to get older, but now the older I get, I wish I was younger. Cliche I know, but forgive me. But being in that dark theater watching those cheasy early 2000’s movies was the most excited and daring I ever felt being that young. Once you break up, that excitement fades. And every first date that I’ve had since then shares a similar level of excitement, but I still have never quite felt that emotion again. Yes, I guess you could say it was due to the hormones ripping and roaring throughout my body, but the question still remains as to why we never experience that emotion (at that level) again. To know that I will never feel the same way as I did then somewhat saddens me. Christmas is the same way, you age and realize that Christmas isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be. It’s still fun to come together with your family to exchange gifts, but the “magic” is gone. My life has changed a lot. I used to spend my days as a youngster sitting in front of the tv watching cartoons and playing video games with a feeling of wonder and excitement about “who’s house am I going to this weekend” or, “who am I going to ask to come over to my house this weekend”. Now, I go to school, then go to work, then sit in front of my computer and play video games with no excitement whatsoever besides seeing my lovely girlfriend and seeing my family. That magic has faded. Nothing quite entertains me anymore the way it did when I was younger. High school ended and that lovely life that went with it is gone too. I’m becoming an adult, and that thought scares me.  Responsibility is a scary thing. It steals your life away, but at the same time it is a necessity.

I know this is a bunch of rambling, that’s what it was meant to be. But maybe you have felt or feel the same ways that I have. I don’t think I am the only one.